DOOMPOP: The Last Waifu on Earth

Chapter 1: The Slayer Meets His Waifu

Juliet Starling sat atop a rusted car wreck in what used to be a bustling shopping mall parking lot, her legs swinging back and forth as she absentmindedly hummed a pop song. The bright pink of her cheerleader outfit was in stark contrast to the ruined landscape, her blonde pigtails bouncing with every soft movement. Beside her, her trusty chainsaw—pink with glittery decals—rested casually, as if it weren’t the same weapon she had used to dismember hordes of zombies.

All of a sudden, the air crackled with an otherworldly energy. The sky darkened for a brief moment, and with a resounding boom, a figure appeared a few meters in front of her, shaking the ground beneath his heavy boots. Juliet stopped, blinking as she took in the massive, armored figure looming over the deserted lot.

The man—or rather, this beast of a being—was clad in heavy green armor that seemed older than time itself. His frame was massive, his silhouette blocking out the setting sun behind him. He didn’t move, didn’t speak. He just stood there, the air around him seeming to vibrate with pure violence.

Juliet raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a mischievous smile. “Whoa, dude! Are you, like, a cosplayer or something? 'Cause that suit is sick.” She hopped off the car with a little bounce, her boots crunching against broken glass, and casually swung her hips as she sauntered up to him. The Slayer’s helmeted face remained expressionless, not even a grunt in response.

Juliet, ever unbothered, twirled the lollipop in her mouth, leaning forward to get a closer look at him. She looked up at his helmet’s dark visor, squinting to see if she could catch a glimpse of the man beneath the armor. "So... do you have a name, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Angry? Or should I just call you Daddy?”

Still no response. The Slayer’s silence was deafening, but Juliet was undeterred.

Her eyes shifted down as he suddenly lifted something—a small, worn photograph. She gasped, placing a hand dramatically on her chest. “Oh. My. God. That’s me!” She snatched the picture from his hand, holding it up for closer inspection. It was a candid shot, clearly taken before the world went to Hell. Juliet in full cheerleading gear, mid-kick, oblivious to what would become of the world around her. She let out a small giggle. “Didn’t think I had any fans left. You a stalker or something? Or, wait...” Her eyes widened with a mixture of mock surprise and excitement. “Are you the guy who’s supposed to, like, save me and stuff?”

Still nothing. The Slayer simply turned, his imposing figure moving away without a word, as though expecting her to follow.

Juliet pouted, placing her hands on her hips. “Uh, rude much? You could at least say hi.” She stomped her foot for emphasis, but of course, it had no effect.

Annoyed but intrigued, she jogged after him, her chainsaw revving to life with a high-pitched roar as she swung it over her shoulder. “So, big guy,” she chirped, skipping alongside him with ease, “what’s the plan? Save the world? Kill some demons? Oh, and don’t forget, we gotta repopulate the Earth.” She leaned in close, lowering her voice to a sultry whisper. “I mean, y’know, no big deal or anything, just totally your job.”

At those words, the Doom Slayer stopped in his tracks. The phrase echoed in his head: "Repopulate the Earth." He slowly turned his head to look down at her, his expression hidden beneath his visor, but somehow Juliet could feel the confusion radiating off him. He stood still, not moving, as if genuinely considering whether he had made a mistake finding her.

She flashed him an exaggerated wink, brushing a finger along his thick armored chest. “Don’t worry, old man. I’m, like, sooo experienced. Not my first rodeo.” She giggled as if the post-apocalyptic world wasn’t something she should be taking more seriously. “And hey, I’ve been told I’m kinda fun. Plus, we don’t have much time if we wanna, you know, rebuild civilization or whatever.”

The Slayer, now visibly unsure of what to do with her, turned his head back forward and continued walking, choosing to avoid the conversation altogether. But Juliet wasn’t done.

“Oh, come on! Don’t pretend like you’re not into it. I mean, I get it, you’re all ‘silent, brooding, alpha male,’ but seriously, how old even are you? Like, you’ve definitely seen some stuff, huh?” She poked his arm playfully as they walked, her flirty energy completely contrasting the brutal scenery around them.

Still no response. But in the Doom Slayer’s mind, his patience was already being tested, and they hadn’t even been together five minutes.

As they made their way out of the parking lot, the ground trembled beneath them. A loud roar echoed in the distance, the unmistakable sound of a demon approaching. Juliet perked up, her eyes lighting with excitement.

“Finally! Some action!” she cheered, revving her chainsaw. She flashed him another wink, leaning close and whispering, “Watch how a real girl fights, Daddy.”

With that, she sprinted ahead, her laughter filling the air as she charged toward the demon. The Slayer stood there for a second, watching her go, before letting out a small, almost imperceptible sigh. This was going to be a long mission.

Chapter 2: Age Gap & Blue Pills

The battle with the demons was fierce, but to the unlikely duo, it was just another day. The Doom Slayer’s methodical, brutal approach had left a path of destruction in his wake—limbs torn, skulls crushed, and bodies obliterated. Meanwhile, Juliet danced through the chaos, almost gleeful as her chainsaw roared to life, gleaming with demon blood. Every kill was followed by a playful pirouette or a dramatic pose, like a performer reveling in the spotlight.

“Woooo! That's gotta be a record!” she giggled, twirling her chainsaw before slinging it over her shoulder. Juliet caught a glimpse of the Slayer, who was already several steps ahead, his boots crunching through demon guts. “Hey! Don't walk off without your cheerleader!” She skipped up to him, a sly grin playing across her lips.

They eventually found shelter in an abandoned bunker, the concrete walls scarred with old bullet holes. Juliet, despite being drenched in blood and gore, somehow managed to flop down on a dusty couch with the grace of someone used to far more comfortable accommodations. She stretched her legs out provocatively, her skirt riding up just enough to reveal her cheerleader shorts beneath. “Phew! That was intense, huh, gramps?” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, biting down on her lollipop playfully.

The Doom Slayer, towering near the entrance, only shot her a brief, deadpan glance. It wasn’t a look of anger, but a deeply rooted patience—one that spoke volumes, given his millennia of battling the forces of Hell. Juliet, however, saw it as a challenge.

Sitting up with a smirk, she leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand as she watched him. “Aw, come on, big guy. Don’t be so grumpy. I like older men, you know?” Her tone was teasing, flirtatious, as she purposefully stretched her arms above her head, arching her back in a way that highlighted her curves. “You’ve got that whole silent warrior thing going on. It’s kinda hot.”

The Slayer remained motionless, his helmet still fixed on her. Juliet took that as a cue to push further. Sliding off the couch, she strutted up to him, standing barely at chest level compared to his massive frame. “Soooo,” she began, twirling a lock of hair around her finger, “when are we gonna, y'know... start ‘saving humanity’? We’re kind of obligated to, right? Duty calls... or whatever.”

His fist clenched almost imperceptibly, as if he were imagining a much simpler solution to this awkward conversation—one involving his shotgun. He remained silent, his eyes hidden beneath the visor, but his body language said it all. The Doom Slayer was more comfortable punching a demon in the face than having any kind of conversation involving repopulation.

Juliet, unphased, circled around him, her fingers trailing lightly over his broad, armored shoulder. “I mean, we’re in an apocalypse. Gotta look at the bright side, though. You’re all, like, super ripped, and I’m not gonna lie—saving humanity has some perks.” She pouted playfully, raising an eyebrow. “Unless... do you even remember how to do the deed? I mean, you haven’t, like, gotten any action since... what? The 1990s?”

She winked at him, her voice dripping with mischief, but it wasn’t just the tease that left him standing there, frozen. Her grin widened as she pushed further. “Wait, do they even make blue pills anymore? You know, Viagra? Or are we gonna have to raid a pharmacy? I bet there’s a stash somewhere! Ooh! What if they made, like, demon-proof Viagra? ‘Cause with your stamina, I’d say you might need it after all that time fighting Hell.”

She dissolved into a fit of giggles, finding her own joke far too amusing. The Doom Slayer, however, had heard enough. He turned his back to her, making his way toward the armory in the corner of the bunker, where his attention could be directed to things that made sense—guns, ammunition, and more things to kill.

Juliet wasn’t about to let him off that easily. She followed behind, her voice still ringing with playful energy. “Hey! I’m serious! We could totally raid a pharmacy, stock up on all kinds of stuff. You know, for... rebuilding humanity. There’s probably other... important supplies, too, right?” She leaned against a crate, watching him prep his weapons with silent efficiency. “Like... condoms? Not that we’d, like, need them. I mean, we kinda want the opposite, don’t we?”

The Slayer froze for a moment, his shoulders visibly tensing as if debating whether to acknowledge her or simply let the demons do the talking in the next battle. Juliet, however, was in her own world, oblivious to his growing exasperation. She twirled her chainsaw and hummed a pop tune, content with the idea of teasing him until he cracked—even if that took a while.

But deep down, even though she never admitted it, the Slayer’s stoic silence was precisely what kept her entertained. The more he resisted her flirtations, the more fun she had trying to get a rise out of him.

“Oh, come on,” she teased, tilting her head. “Admit it. You kinda like me, don’t you? Just a little?” She gave him a wink and a hip bump before skipping off toward the bunker entrance, her chainsaw still revving lightly. “I’ll find us a pharmacy... just in case!” she shouted over her shoulder, laughing as she went.

The Doom Slayer watched her go, his expression unreadable beneath his helmet. For a split second, he allowed himself the thought that this mission—this bizarre, ridiculous mission—might be more than just a battle against demons. It might be a battle of endurance, and not the kind he was used to.

With a low grunt, he turned back to his preparations. He was going to need more ammo.

Chapter 3: Into the Lair

The carnage behind them, Juliet flicked some demon guts off her chainsaw with a grimace, then turned to the Doom Slayer, who was staring silently into the distance, as usual. "Okay, seriously, you gonna talk at some point, or is this just how you vibe?" she asked, hands on her hips.

As always, no response. But then something different happened. He raised his hand, and with a crackling energy, a portal began to form in the air. Juliet's eyes widened in surprise as she saw the swirling gateway open, offering a glimpse of something massive and metallic beyond.

The Doom Slayer stepped toward the portal, his meaning clear, but Juliet wasn’t about to make it that easy. She crossed her arms, planting her feet like a stubborn kid. “Ohhhh, so what? You just expect me to follow you into this creepy space portal without even saying anything? Like, ‘Hey Juliet, I want you to come with me to my super-secret space fortress?’” She batted her eyelashes dramatically. “You could at least ask nicely. Or, y'know, say anything at all.”

He paused, giving her a sidelong glance. Juliet smirked. “C’mon, big guy, I know you want me to follow you. But what if I say no? What if I decide I’m just gonna stay here, all by my cute little self?” She twirled a lock of blonde hair around her finger and struck a pose, jutting her hip out. “You really gonna leave me here, all alone, looking this good? In a world full of demons?”

Still nothing from him. Instead, he simply stood there, as unmovable as ever, his patience infinite. Juliet let out an exaggerated sigh. “Geez, you’re impossible. Don’t you wanna give me, like, the grand tour? Or at least tell me if there’s Wi-Fi up there?” She winked, slowly edging closer to the portal.

The Slayer, seeing her game, didn’t flinch. Instead, in his typical slow, deliberate manner, he reached out and gently grabbed her arm. His pull was firm but not aggressive—slow and steady, like everything else he did. Despite her fake resistance, Juliet found herself unable to do anything but follow.

“Hey, what the dick? Whoa, whoa, hold on!” she laughed, letting herself be tugged toward the portal. “Look at you! Just pulling a helpless young girl into your lair. Who knew you were such a dirty old man?” She gasped dramatically, putting a hand to her chest. “What is this? Your den of perversion? You’re gonna lock me up in your creepy space castle? You probably have, like, torture chambers and... and sex dungeons!” She giggled, the ridiculousness of her accusations not lost on either of them.

The Doom Slayer didn’t react. Slowly, but surely, he guided her through the portal, pulling her closer with every step. “You know, if this is your way of flirting, it’s a little heavy-handed,” Juliet quipped, her voice playful as she allowed herself to be pulled through. “You could’ve just, like, asked me out to dinner first! But, nope, here we are—straight to the space bunker. Very classy.”

When they emerged on the other side, Juliet blinked, her teasing cut short as the enormous interior of the Doom Slayer’s fortress came into view. The massive structure loomed around her, full of alien technology, weapons, and the cold, metallic atmosphere of a place built for one purpose: war. Her eyes widened as she slowly spun in place, taking it all in.

“Okay, this is... wow,” she muttered, genuinely impressed. “It’s like a bachelor pad... but for a homicidal demon slayer.” Her awe grew when she approached the window. Beyond the thick glass, Earth hung in space, ravaged and burning from the apocalypse below. For a moment, Juliet’s usual bravado faded, replaced by quiet shock. “I... I didn’t think it was this bad,” she murmured, her voice soft.

The Doom Slayer stood nearby, silent as always, but Juliet knew he saw the destruction every day. He lived with it, carried it.

Snapping out of her moment of reflection, she turned back to him, brightening her tone again. “Alright, enough staring at the end of the world. Let’s get practical. I’ve got demon blood all over me, and I seriously need a shower.” She tugged at her bloodstained cheerleader uniform with a disgusted grimace. “You got one of those around here? Or do I have to make do with a bucket and a sponge?”

The Doom Slayer, without missing a beat, pointed toward a nearby hallway. Juliet nodded approvingly. “Thanks, big guy. I knew you’d come through. Now don’t peek, okay? I know you’ve been stuck alone for a long time, but let’s keep things professional... for now.” She winked before sashaying down the hall, leaving the Slayer behind in the metallic silence of his fortress.

As her footsteps echoed away, the Slayer stood by the window, watching the shattered world below. He had fought for countless years, had seen the universe at its darkest. And now, in the middle of this endless war, a bubbly blonde cheerleader was demanding to take a shower in his fortress.

Maybe, just maybe, some things hadn’t changed that much after all.

Chapter 4: Old Man, New Tricks

Juliet wandered through the massive halls of the Fortress of Doom, her eyes wide with amazement. Weapons lined the walls, trophies of slain demons displayed like grotesque art, and the hum of ancient technology filled the air. She couldn’t help but twirl her lollipop as she explored, the cheerleader in her still shining through despite the grim setting.

She finally found the Slayer seated in front of a workbench, his massive frame hunched over tools and armor parts. His helmeted head was focused on the task at hand, meticulously upgrading his gear, as if he wasn’t just the destroyer of Hell, but also the galaxy's grumpiest mechanic.

Juliet giggled to herself and sauntered over. “Y’know, you’re pretty handy for an old man. Fixing your toys after another long day at work?”

The Slayer didn’t respond, of course. But Juliet wasn’t going to let him stay silent much longer. She bit her lip playfully, leaning on the back of his chair. “Hey, big guy. You ever think about taking a break from all this?” She slid a finger along the cold metal of his helmet. “I mean, you’ve been saving the world for centuries. Don’t you ever, I dunno, get tired of being the strong, silent type?”

She walked around to face him, standing between him and his work. Her fingers rested on the sides of his helmet, her eyes searching his visor. “What if I take this off? Just for a minute,” she said, her voice dropping to a teasing whisper. “Let me see the man behind the mask, huh?”

For a brief moment, the Slayer didn’t move, but then, slowly, almost deliberately, he lowered his hands from the armor. Juliet’s heart skipped a beat. She had pushed his buttons before, teased him relentlessly, but now it felt different.

With a surprisingly gentle tug, she lifted the helmet. It was heavier than she expected, and she laughed as she finally pulled it free, her hands trembling with the effort. “Whoa, this thing weighs a ton! How do you even...?”

Her voice trailed off as the Slayer’s rugged, scarred face was revealed. He was far more handsome than she had expected—stern, yes, but with a surprising softness in his deep-set eyes that made her stomach flip. For the first time since they met, Juliet felt a genuine heat rise in her cheeks.

“Well, hello stranger,” she whispered with a mischievous smile. “I feel like I’m finally meeting you for the first time.”

She lightly traced the battle-worn lines on his face with her fingers, her soft touch a stark contrast to the hardness of his life. “So, big guy,” she murmured, “what now? Think you can handle me?”

Her hand slid down his chest as she moved closer, her breath warm against his skin. She glanced up at him with a wicked grin. “Or is this where you prove that old men still have some moves left?”

Without a word, the Slayer stood up from his chair, towering over her. Juliet, far from intimidated, let out a playful giggle, biting her lower lip as she ran her hands along his muscular torso. “Mmm, okay, I see you’ve been working out,” she teased, looking up at him with a mock-serious expression. “But let’s talk about the real question—are you still... operational down there?”

The Slayer raised an eyebrow, his eyes flicking down at her with a silent challenge. Juliet's laughter bubbled up as she pressed her body against him, her hands playfully teasing at his waist. “Well, guess there’s only one way to find out...”

She unzipped her cheerleader jacket slowly, drawing out the moment, letting the tension rise between them. “C’mon, Slayer,” she whispered, “take me to bed. Let’s see what the galaxy’s biggest badass is really packing.”

The Slayer, without hesitation, lifted her effortlessly into his arms. Juliet gasped, her heart racing, though she still had enough sass to throw in one last cheeky jab. “Whoa there, big fella! Easy on the merchandise—I’m fragile, y'know. And by the way,” she grinned, glancing down at him as they headed to his quarters, “if you break anything... you better have some spare parts ready.”

Inside the dimly lit room, Juliet slid out of his arms, her eyes taking in the rugged, utilitarian space. It was exactly what she expected—no frills, no distractions, just like him. She tossed her hair back, then turned to him with a smirk, her fingers trailing down her skirt.

“Alright, Slayer, let’s see if you’ve still got what it takes.” She winked, her voice dripping with playful seduction. “And don’t worry... I’ve always liked a challenge.”

As they tumbled into bed, Juliet couldn't resist throwing in one last playful jab, her voice breathy with excitement. “Just don’t forget, grandpa, you’ve got to fill me up... completely. Okay?”

A few moments later, her breath hitched as she felt his sheer size pressing against her. She gasped, wide-eyed, then burst into laughter. “Oh my God! Is that... are you sure that’s all gonna fit? Like, seriously, I did not expect that!”

The night was filled with the sounds of clashing bodies, laughter, and Juliet's endless quips, even as she was lost in the heat of the moment. “Damn, Slayer, I’ll give you this—when you’re not slaying demons, you’re slaying something else!”

And just as she hit her peak, Juliet, ever the jokester, managed to laugh through her pleasure. “Holy hell... ravaged by a grampa... best... day... ever!”

The Slayer, still stoic as ever, didn’t say a word—but if Juliet had been paying attention, she might’ve noticed the faintest twitch of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

Epilogue: Baby Slayers on the Way

A few weeks passed since that unforgettable night aboard the Fortress of Doom. Life had settled into an odd rhythm: slaying demons during the day and banging a good chunk of the night. Every night. Juliet relished in their unique partnership, her laughter echoing through the otherwise serious fortress. But something felt... different.

One morning, after a particularly brutal demon hunt, Juliet decided to indulge in her favorite post-slaying snack—a giant pickle slathered in peanut butter, a concoction she swore by. As she plopped down on the couch, she felt a strange flutter in her stomach. It was a sensation she hadn’t felt before.

She squinted at the ceiling, her brow furrowed. “Ugh... what’s going on in there?” she muttered, putting a hand on her belly. “Is it just indigestion or...” Her eyes widened slightly as the realization started to dawn on her. “Wait... could this be...?”

After rummaging through the fortress's medical supplies—most of which were for demon wounds—Juliet found an ancient pregnancy test used by the Argenta, or so the Slayer had told her. The tube held a glowing green liquid that looked straight out of a horror movie. “Well, this seems legit,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

After what felt like an eternity (which was only a few minutes), she watched as the glowing liquid changed colors. Juliet's eyes widened. “Oh my god. No way!” She squinted, leaning in closer. “I’m not reading this wrong, am I?”

With a mixture of excitement and disbelief, she raced through the fortress to find the Slayer. He was in the training room, methodically practicing his combat moves. As he swung his sword, she burst through the door, breathless.

“Slayer! You need to stop for a sec! I have some news!”

He turned, confusion flickering behind his visor.

Juliet practically jumped up and down, her hands clapping. “I think I’m pregnant!”

The Slayer's eyes widened, and he dropped his weapon, the heavy clang echoing in the room. He was silent, processing the information.

“You did it! You knocked me up, you dirty old man!” She grinned wickedly. “Guess the plumbing still works after all, huh? I’m going to be a mom!” She danced around the training room, her excitement bubbling over.

The Slayer stepped closer, kneeling down to her eye level, the gears in his helmet whirring softly. Juliet's heart raced as he reached out a hand, tentatively touching her stomach, a serious expression on his face.

“Yeah, I know it’s kinda nuts! But just think about it—a little Slayer! We’ll teach them all about slaying demons and, like, being totally fabulous!” She giggled, but then her expression shifted as reality began to sink in. “But wait... what if they end up with your whole ‘silent treatment’ thing? Or your awful taste in music?!” Her eyes widened in mock horror. “And oh my god, what if my ginormous ass gets even bigger? I won’t fit in anything!”

He grunted, shaking his head slightly, as if to say that their child would definitely inherit her flair for life.

“Okay, okay, but we need to prepare! I mean, I have no idea how to do this whole ‘parenting’ thing. Should we, like, raid a nursery store or something? Do they have those in the post-apocalypse?” Juliet mused, her thoughts racing.

The Slayer, still stoic, nodded slowly, clearly accepting the new mission.

She grinned, bouncing on her feet. “And we’ll need all the gear! Diapers, bottles, a chainsaw for the playroom! Oh! And we can name them after your favorite weapons! Like ‘BFG Jr.’ or something!”

The Slayer's head tilted slightly, as if he was actually considering it.

“Okay, so we’ve got a plan! You, me, and our little demon-slaying baby! But first,” she said, stepping back with a dramatic flair, “we need to go celebrate! How about a giant ice cream sundae and a trip to the nearest pharmacy for baby stuff?”

She clapped her hands, beaming with joy, as the Slayer let out a low grunt, his expression softening just a bit behind the visor. He reached out, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close as if to say that whatever came next, they would face it together.

As they walked out of the training room, Juliet couldn’t help but chuckle to herself. “Well, who would’ve thought? From slaying demons to raising one of our own! This is going to be epic!”

And as they ventured into the unknown, Juliet’s laughter echoed through the fortress, mingling with the Slayer’s unyielding strength—a perfect balance of chaos and calm. Together, they were ready to take on whatever the future held.